Fucked over? Or just a new beginning......

So Jason and I both lost our jobs on the same day. Fucked up day in my book. I gave them two years and they gave me a thumb up the ass. Almost literally. But I am seeing things a little clearer a day later. This is a new start for Jason and I. Me in particualar. Since this is the first time I have been fired from a job. I have to say that I felt a little desolate and scared. Well alot actually. We have enough money for a few months but I plan on having another job before August is over. Way before that. I guess we will see

Life Altering Truths (Talk Thursday)

I'm not gay.
I'm not pregnant.
And I don't have a life threatening cancer or sickness.

My abuela does have number three on that list. Her and my abuelo just celebrated their fiftieth year together. Can anyone really comprehend 50 years with the same person until you are celebrating it yourself? It was a fantastic party in honor of their love. We ate drank and danced as if tomorrow wasn't coming.
A few months prior to that she found a lump inside her stomach and it wasn't allowing her to eat. She went to the doctor and they scheduled an exploratory surgery. Already a teeny lady, she dropped fifty some pounds and became practically nonexistent. She's still so beautiful to me though. Her soft skin, her perfect white hair, and her smell. I could stand with my nose to her neck for days.
The surgery day came and went and we found out that it is cancer. My grandpa seems lost, and for the first time in my short life I can't seem to talk to my grandma. I don't know what the outcome of this is going to be, but all that I know is that she HAS to be there to kiss me on my wedding day, and to hold my brand new babies when I have them. They both have to be there together.
Te amo abuela.

Mea Culpa (Talk Thursday)

I was walking with my mother through Bi Mart one day.
We were on this isle that was stocked full with bottles of liquid to shoot at my mother. I grabbed the first bottle within my reach, and got ready to douse her. I pulled the pump and nothing came out. I kept on pumping the handle not even realizing that the contents inside were pressurizing.
I turned the shooter straight towards my face, and then realized that I had to turn the nozzle to open it. The second I turned the nozzle, my poison of choice sprayed right into my eyes. I hollered to my mother who was five feet away, and calmly set the bottle back on the shelf. Eyes foaming ,with god knows what, I turned to her and she started yelling.
Thats when all hell broke loose and I was dragged every which way to get my eyes rinsed out. We called the ER, and they said to come in. I was checked in immediatley and taken back to a bed. My eyes had already been rinsed out for twenty minutes so I didn't know how much more I could take! They laid me down and put these funny little suction cups all around my eyes. Inside and out.
For thirty minutes I had a panic attack while they rinsed my eyes out with a saline solution. I could see light, but nothing else. No shadows. It was a very strange feeling being that vulnerable in a strange place.
My poison was Round Up.
My age: 16.

Going.... Going...... Gone.

Well, I am headed off to Redmond for the weekend.
I am so excited! It is going to be alot of fun. Fun and games and drinking. I haven't gotten to go away for the weekend in quite a while. I don't really feel like writing right now. So I am going to say goodbye until monday. See yah!
End.

Those days.

Another birthday and another year are fading by and almost gone. Mateo (my fifteen year old cockapoo) is only going to be with us for one more christmas. He is such a part of our family that it is going to be hard to say goodbye. But that event has yet to come and pass so I will enjoy the time we have left with him.
Stephanie is turning 19 in two weeks, and I am turning 21 in four weeks. WOWOWOW. I know 21 is very young, but technically it is time for my body to start having babies. Technically. That isn't going to happen for many years though. Well three or so =) I am no longer a young adult. I am an adult in the terms of todays society. Ugh. I don't want to be a grownup! I hate having to pay bills, and put gas in my car, and go to work. It all gets so monotonous. Those were the days when you would wake up in a bed so warm and safe feeling as if the whole world could come crashing down, but mommy and daddy would make sure you were all right.
Those were the days.
When you would go outside to play in the summer, enormous AstroPop in hand, ready to take on the world. Or maybe just the huge field across the street from your house. When your biggest worry was that your three year old sister was going to learn to ride a bike before you. When your next biggest worry was that your kitty Rusty couldn't come in, and you couldn't watch Homeward Bound because you wouldn't eat your corn and ham. Then slowly you begin to grow. And being an inncocent naive child doesn't exist anymore. You learn about hate, lust, pain (true pain), and greed. Those things never existed, and then suddenly you are aware of them in your little world.
You have to start exercising the keep your body in shape. Your hair starts getting greasy, pimples pop up, and boys suddenly become more and more appealing. The confusion starts. That is when that little world that you used to wake up to doesn't exist any longer. You still have that sense of security in your parents and family, but things are awkward for a while until you figure yourself out. I'm 21, and I still don't know who Korin is. Finding your niche in this world is the scariest, most amazing roller coaster ride you will ever take. I hate it, yet I have never had so much fun in my whole life! Everyday is a struggle for me to take command of my emotions and learn to control them. Therefore, everyday is a new learning experience. That is ok with me.
As Marie Antoniette said "Let them eat cake."

Scullery maid day.

Last night I had a wild hair and completely cleaned, and gutted my room. I even went as far as to rearrange the fucking thing and it looks gorgeous. I had a wierd dream last night that we got kicked out of our house and had to take all of our stuff with us. Well all of the stuff that we could carry. And then things got really wierd. Anyways.
Right now I am doing laundry, and washing every single item of clothing that I own. Then I get to go and talk to my boss with my mother. Fuck. Fuck. I get to tell Marg all about what has been going on with me. Why I yelled at her, and have been having an attitude. And my mom has been going into Moma Bear mode where my work has been concerned lately. So she told me that she is coming with me no questions asked. I love her so much.
Enough about my silly work drama. I am halfway to go going to Germany. I can't wait to go. Torben tells me that I probably wont like it. The people at least. I have a feeling that I am going to love the country itself though. I am beginning to feel like Korin again. Slowly but surely. I was talking to Jason about it last night. She is beginning to resurface. I was so lost in this mess of being crazy and self destructive. What people don't get is that I'm not into lots of sex and one night stands. I don't like to spend tons of money. And I DO NOT like not being friends with my parents and sister. Those were things that ended up defining me for a year or so. And who that person is, well all that matters is that she is packing her shit and leaving for good.
I'm not saying that it isn't going to be hard, but I am fighting this. Warring is a better word. I'm singing again. At the top of my lungs.

End.

Wierd night. Jumbled thoughts.

Tonight the gouls and goblins come out to play. Well technically yesterday they did. Anyways, working in the Emergency Room on Halloween isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Not one bit. It was darn boring all night long. And it still is.
I had another dream about Torben last night. That one made me downright sad. It makes me sad to think about it. He looked so handsome. Ummm.... Today I am getting the tattoo on my bum finished or almost finished! I am not excited about how much it is going to hurt though. Then I get to come right back to work. Woopee! Right now I am eating this amazing caramel apple with peanuts all over it..... It is quite frankly an orgasm in my mouth. I can't wait till Friday when I get to go to Bend. That is going to be fantastic! I will be staying with Jim and Vicky (who have known me since I was 2) and I love their house.
I guess tonight is Torben night. I probably shouldn't write so publicly about something so personal to me, but I kind of feel a need to.
How can you love someone so much when you have only met them twice in your life? I met him and I just 'knew' him. It was so wierd. We started talking and he made my heart pound and yet I'd never been so comfortable with anyone in my life. I was seventeen years old for crying out loud! Over the two weeks that he was here that first time we spent alot of time together. He left and I cried like a baby. Its not like me to cry over someone that I just meet. It takes a while before the waterworks happen. And then one night he is just sitting in my kitchen like no time had passed at all. And my world rocked upside down and then sideways.
Seeing him there I knew I love him. Really love him. And it made so much sense yet was so ridiculous I could laugh. Even speaking of it out loud makes me seem like a crazy girl. So I don't speak of it. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me want to be a better person. And best of all, he doesn't feel the same way. We are entire worlds apart and he is in love with someone else. OOOo weee that hurts. Shes so lucky. Im sure she knows it.
Hes back home now. The way that I cried when he left you would have thought that he was dying or something. But I just couldn't help it. Ugh!!!! I could go on and on and on about everything. But I shouldn't. This is a public site after all =)

Tonight seems as if it is never going to end. They turned the clocks back and I am here for an extra hour. Yuck. Well my sentence is almost up. Tengo buen dia.